Or: Please Don’t be Mad at Thanksgiving
“I don’t know if you’ve heard of this artist I like. He’s pretty out there. Pretty…avant-garde you might say. Yeah, you probably haven’t heard of him. Don’t worry about it. I said don’t worry about it.”
So this is obviously horrible, but it has a sense of humor about itself, and hey, right there’s a sun wearing sunglasses. God knows I can’t shit on iconography like that. And it was also so obviously made by a dude that somehow it’s charming. I don’t know. At least we’re not in Fiji, guys. Am I right? *wink*
Hoooooo boy. This. This pretty much sums up everything that is dark and repulsive and evil hiding deep within the rotten hell-meat of the human heart. This makes me want to Early Terminate and never do anything nice for anyone ever again. And are those sailboats floating along the bottom? I don’t care! I don’t care what kind of sailboats or gers or high peaked mountains or weeping angels are sniffing around down there, because this is a hateful, cynical, bullshit piece of t-shirt. You should be ashamed of yourself. BOOOOOOOOOOO!
I could get behind this one, if I knew where it was going on the t-shirt. And furthermore, who is teaching whom how to Dougie here, hm? These are the questions I want answered before I go any further.
Ok, so there’s a lot going on here. From where I’m standing, there’s that Dr. symbol, and a book with letters falling out of it, and some sort of flesh-crab standing on a Tugrik, and a child holding a great big pizza. Then there’s a dog slowly turning into a horse. Peace Corps! Did I win? MOTHERFUCKER I SAID DID I WIN?
Why. Why. Why is this happening? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS, PEOPLE. Can you imagine wearing this in public, in America? Like, out to dinner at an adult restaurant? On an adult date?
“Oh, this is just my Peace Corps Mongolia shirt.”
“Yes, they require a college degree.”
“Because there is a goddamn P and a C covering each of her eyeballs! Jesus, you don’t understand a single thing about me.”
And there went your wife. Thanks, T-shirt.
Anyway! Thanks for making me glad I didn’t submit a T-shirt design. Now no cranky bitches will be raggin’ on me from the sad and lonely safety of the internet. Goodnight, Mongolia! Goodnight, everyone.