Mission Accomplished

Allow me to paint for you, a picture:
My C.P. and I, in front of our school, huddled against the last of winter’s snow, playing “Marry, Fuck, Kill” with the male characters from “Lost.”
If that’s not the ultimate in Second Goal, I don’t know what is.

The Peace Corps’ mission has three simple goals:

Helping the people of interested countries in meeting their need for trained men and women.
Helping promote a better understanding of Americans on the part of the peoples served.
Helping promote a better understanding of other peoples on the part of Americans.

sawyuh
In my dreams, he calls me “Second Goalie.”

3 Joys of Pet Ownership in a Developing Nation

-chopping up a mountain of frozen goat meat and sorting it into “cat” and “human” piles. realizing these piles are entirely arbitrary and that the only difference is that the human pile will eventually have ketchup on it.

-hiding your cat in the bathroom when your counterparts come over. commenting on the indignant yowls happening in the background by saying “cat is angry” in two broken languages.

-realizing your cat has been rooting through the used toilet paper bin. realizing too late.

His name is my name

So to kick off my weekly Speaking club, I had all the younguns pick out English names for themselves, partially because I remember so enjoying choosing a German name in middle school German class (Petra) and partially because I still can’t seem to remember Mongolian names to save my life.
Here is my current class roll:

Anna
Miranda
Meri (Mary)
Belle
Anika
Beth
Sarah I’m Happy
Kelli
Jana
Magge
Julia
Beyonce

Jabbawockeez

Michael Jordan

Harry Potter

John
Zack
Eliza Beth
Gloria
Carime

Jane
Eleina
Janna
Julie
Mary 2
Bella Swam

Angelina
Clarina
Any
Eric
James
Jonny
Kelly
Jordan
Janet
Katy
Karina
Boy Kate

Michael Jackson

Julie
Eva
Alice
and my personal favorite…
Jack Spicer

Found: The Last New York Notebook

TRANSCRIPT BY JESSICA MADISON
***
PAGE 1

The Family (with thanks to Orion):

-the Indio or Mojave desert
-BATTLE BETWEEN LIGHT AND DARK
-Ted “Bear Jokes” Papa
-Hi welcome to Cuzin’s!
-RIVAL CULTS (scientology building over the ol’ swimmin’ hole, fasting cult)
-“Reverend”–“YOU’RE BREAKING THE RULES!”
-“Aunt Granny”
-ragtag uniforms, sex parties
-two kids born into cult “Fizzle and Pappy”

***
PAGE 2

Scientism
-“But I’m a Scientist!”

***

PAGE 3

An essay (prompt by Paul):

Q:At the beginning of the 21st century, we look back upon the early days of modernism with a nostalgia for its industry, in that it stands as a symbol for something more innocent than the societal processes which have taken its place. In this essay, you are tasked to pair an early invention/system/convention of the 20th century with its contemporary correlate and explain their relevant similarities/differences.

A: TAFFY + FIZZIES = FAFFY + PIZZLES

***

PAGE 4

Meanwhile…

A Treehouse in Brooklyn!
(sponsored by PBS)

(Ed: here I attempt to draw the PBS logo from memory, and it looks like this:

Treehouse into the ecoparadise! PARK SLOPE/BERKELEY BIODOME (rest of U.S. on fire)
WE NEED PUPPETS! AND JOKES!

(Ed: then Nick draws Park Slope (coop) connected to Berkeley (compost) by a long arching hamster tube, underneath which are guns, fire, and skulls. I can’t reproduce it.)

***

PAGE 5

AUNT GRANNY: SEXUAL UBERMENSCH
-pantsuits
-aviators
-smoking a pipe
-advanced audio-visual room
-sometimes really into cooking
-george foreman grill

(Ed:

and

there it is.)

***

PAGE 6

Dad owns oxygen supply company
-oxygen tanks
-and nitrogen

***

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Save the Children

Yesterday my good buddy Christine Kanownik and I were (somehow) allowed to guest lecture in our friend’s Women in the Creative Arts class at Brooklyn College. We lectured about some American Poetesses, and we named our lecture Iconic Figures: Women in American Poetry, or WOMYN. It was all very Grandma Moses.

Some Inspiring Visual Excerpts from the Powerpoint constructed by Ms. Kanownik:


“Battle Hymn of the Republic”: written by a lady!


“Emily Dickinson in a Factory with Ezra Pound on a Leash” and “Emily Dickinson with Dogs Playing Poker” by co-buddy Paul Legault


This lady does erasures and things of Emily Dickinson with thread! Her name is Jen Bervin and her book is Nets.

We also did a bit of this.

And this.

And, sigh, this.

Then class became over, successfully proving to everyone once again that Poetry ended sometime in the 1960’s, and that the female brain can’t conceptualize the passage of time, because our skulls are too soft.

Best American Cutest Cranky Grandma 2011 Gwendolyn Brooks concurs (but does not object), and furthermore thinks you should all be ashamed of yourself and your sexual jazz music.

I think it’s pretty nice to teach adults.