I hate to be That Guy, but…

…goddamn you Affordable Care Act/Covered California/Everybody! So:

1) The AfterCorps health plan for returned Peace Corps Volunteers is shut down because it “doesn’t meet minimum requirements.” Which, fine, that thing was ridiculous and kind of not even really health insurance.

2) I apply for Medical because that “readjustment allowance” was embarrassingly small and Peace Corps wasn’t exactly the career-booster it was sold as.

3) Denied because it “can’t be confirmed you don’t have health insurance through your employer,” an employer who:
a)I stopped working for 8 months ago.
b)shut down their health plan because you, The Government, TOLD THEM THEY HAD TO.
c)is also definitely part of you, The Government.
d)is like, right across the street. Just go ask them!

4) I get my little fuck-you appeal form, so I go to appeal on the website, as if it were 2014.

5) The website isn’t working, in fact the little thinking wheel is still spinning two hours later.

6) And now here I am, mailing in my appeal, scrawling my explanations all up and down the margins of the form LIKE A CRAZY PERSON.

7) However, unlike a crazy person who sends goddamn LETTERS TO THE U.S. GOVERNMENT I have serious doubt that it’s ever going to be read. So we’ll see. Hopefully I don’t get hit by a bus in the next few months.

So THANKS A LOT NOBAMA NANNY-STATE TWITTER NAG for taking two years of my youth and rewarding me with a certificate I don’t think you actually signed.

O THX.

O THX.

I think I’m just going to go buy a bunch of canned cat food and dig myself a hole out in the desert. DON’T TREAD ON ME.

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M22 T-shirt Designs: A Retrospective

Or: Please Don’t be Mad at Thanksgiving


“I’m planning on getting this sweet business tattooed on the nape of my neck the second I hit Stateside.”


“I don’t know if you’ve heard of this artist I like. He’s pretty out there. Pretty…avant-garde you might say. Yeah, you probably haven’t heard of him. Don’t worry about it. I said don’t worry about it.”


So this is obviously horrible, but it has a sense of humor about itself, and hey, right there’s a sun wearing sunglasses. God knows I can’t shit on iconography like that. And it was also so obviously made by a dude that somehow it’s charming. I don’t know. At least we’re not in Fiji, guys. Am I right? *wink*


This is actually fantastic. I can’t explain why, but trust, it is.


Hoooooo boy. This. This pretty much sums up everything that is dark and repulsive and evil hiding deep within the rotten hell-meat of the human heart. This makes me want to Early Terminate and never do anything nice for anyone ever again. And are those sailboats floating along the bottom? I don’t care! I don’t care what kind of sailboats or gers or high peaked mountains or weeping angels are sniffing around down there, because this is a hateful, cynical, bullshit piece of t-shirt. You should be ashamed of yourself. BOOOOOOOOOOO!


Sigh. I don’t know. I’m all pooped out after that last one. This is ugly.


I could get behind this one, if I knew where it was going on the t-shirt. And furthermore, who is teaching whom how to Dougie here, hm? These are the questions I want answered before I go any further.


Ok, so there’s a lot going on here. From where I’m standing, there’s that Dr. symbol, and a book with letters falling out of it, and some sort of flesh-crab standing on a Tugrik, and a child holding a great big pizza. Then there’s a dog slowly turning into a horse. Peace Corps! Did I win? MOTHERFUCKER I SAID DID I WIN?


I don’t understand this because I’M NOT FROM MICHIGAN YOU EXCLUSIONARY BASTARDS.



I can live with this.


Why. Why. Why is this happening? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS, PEOPLE. Can you imagine wearing this in public, in America? Like, out to dinner at an adult restaurant? On an adult date?
“Oh, this is just my Peace Corps Mongolia shirt.”
“…?”
“Mongolia.”
“…?”
“Yes, they require a college degree.”
“….?”
“Mongolia.”
“….?”
Because there is a goddamn P and a C covering each of her eyeballs! Jesus, you don’t understand a single thing about me.”
And there went your wife. Thanks, T-shirt.


This is fine.


This reminds me of the time I had to introduce myself in a speech on the first day of school in front of everyone and a television crew and therefore I don’t like it.

****

Anyway! Thanks for making me glad I didn’t submit a T-shirt design. Now no cranky bitches will be raggin’ on me from the sad and lonely safety of the internet. Goodnight, Mongolia! Goodnight, everyone.

FEUD ALERT.

THIS IS A EMERGENCY BLOG FEUD ALERT.
The instigator? False”Jessica Madison

Some Facts about “Jessica Madison”

-also answers to “Jessica ‘TJ Maxx’ Madison” and “Jessica Miller”
-can be seen as “The Girlfriend,” “Volleyball Teammate,” “Cheerleader (Uncredited),” and “Herself” in a variety of film and television programs, including “White Men Can’t Dance,” “Gene Simmons Family Jewels,” “The Tyra Banks Show” and “T.J. Maxx”
-down 31% in popularity in popularity this week
-has exceeded her photobucket bandwidth

Here she is, just hanging out, making some girls trends.

And did you know she was in a TJ Maxx commercial?

“Had a ball performing in live TJ Maxx commercials around all the hotspots of LA yesterday: The girls and I were miked up and dressed to the 9’s and re-enacted the TJ Maxx commercials that are currently airing nationwide. One of those days where I could say, only in LA!!”
(quote borrowed without consent from jessicamadison.blogspot.com)


None of these girls is a Jessica Madison.

In this video on Youtube.com, Jessica Madison, Winner of this blog’s 2011 Worst American Jessica Madison Award, explains how she slaps Clairol on her lying-ass hair in the same hasty manner that she slapped Madison on her lying-ass Miller.

JK JUST JOSHING GIRL, YOU KNOW ME.

I’m Jessica Madison.