Dear God,

What does it mean when
one of your power animals
eats another one
of your power animals?

Kids See a Lion Eat Cuddly Zoo Animal (Sun UK)

At least we’ll always have the Pallas Cat.

don’t be munchin’ on ol’ P-Cat, y’all…


Definition: “Selfing”

Hi! Jessica Madison here to talk to you about “Selfing,” a hot new trend alert as identified by me, Jessica Madison.

noun, selfed
1. The act of a person, animal, or thing that selfs.
2. The act of extensively modifying and/or contemplating a reproduction of one’s own image for allegedly artistic purposes.
3. The kinetic manifestation of tautological narcissism.

“Woosh! I can’t believe I selfed so hard last night. I hope nobody borrows my computer and sees the 24 versions of that black and white image of myself inside a giant birdcage that I was going to use as an author photo.”

“Hey, let’s do something fun tonight!”
“Like what?”
“Oh, I dunno, how about I bring over some white wine, we can make a light dinner, maybe sit at the kitchen table and record/replay our witty banter on your iphone.”
“Yeah, it’s a good night for co-selfing.”

“I think I’m going to watch this video of myself as I’m posting it to my blog and then I think I’m going to talk about doing it as I’m doing it. Nobody selfs like I do. Nobody. I hope everybody sees this.”

And with that I give you…

SMOKEY MOUTH (directed and edited by Nick Sumida)

“Oh! I’m sorry, I just selfed all over you. Here, let me help you clean that up.”

(Jessica Madison became a fan of Jessica Madison and suggests that you become a fan of Jessica Madison too.)

Two Avocado Commercials

Commercial 1:

This one is what we call “about Skittles level” normal.

A human and a semi-anthropomorphic (arms, legs, no face) avocado sit side-by-side on the beach of a desert island. On the right lies the splintered remains of a raft. Perched on a palm tree above, a vulture watches intently.
Closeup on where the avocado’s face would be. Beads of avocado oil collect on his (her? maybe.) leathery skin.
We see the human from the avocado’s POV, staring out to sea. The image shimmers and becomes a mirage, the human transformed into a hotdog.
Closeup on the human’s (fine, assholes, the 20ish white male’s) face. Beads of sweat collect and drip down his brow. His bloodshot eyes slide over to look in the avocado’s direction.
From the man’s POV, we see the avocado, also staring out to sea. Again a mirage replaces the image of the whole avocado, and we see the fruit sliced open, and salted, revealing its light green flesh and smooth pit.
Voice over: “Avocado: your friend ’til the very end.”

Commercial 2:

Maybe more “Nutrigrain Level” here. Better.

An avocado shines alluringly against an ivory background. Herbal Essences. Soft New Age fluting. Slowly, the avocado opens to reveal a naked woman curled up inside. An invisible wind blows her hair back and she turns to face the camera.
Naked Woman, crooning: “Avocados. Like crawling back into the womb.”

(Maybe the woman is also pregnant? Too much?)