Hi. I’m Jessica Madison, and I’m here to talk to you about Dill.

Did you know that dill, when added, by an intoxicated person, (along with maggi sauce and halon chinju) can create a very desireable illusion of vegetable to your steamed white rice?

Dill. It’s what’s in your steamed white rice.


Introducing: The Pallas Cat

Hi! I’m:
The Pallas Cat, or Pallas’s Cat, of “small wild cats” and “German naturalist Peter Simon Pallas” and “Mongolia.”

I enjoy:
sheltering in crevices; raising and then quivering the upper lip on one side of the muzzle, displaying the large canine tooth; being observed basking in the warm sunshine.

I’m also:
a crepuscular hunter.

And my name is:
The Pallas Cat!

Definition: “Selfing”

Hi! Jessica Madison here to talk to you about “Selfing,” a hot new trend alert as identified by me, Jessica Madison.

noun, selfed
1. The act of a person, animal, or thing that selfs.
2. The act of extensively modifying and/or contemplating a reproduction of one’s own image for allegedly artistic purposes.
3. The kinetic manifestation of tautological narcissism.

“Woosh! I can’t believe I selfed so hard last night. I hope nobody borrows my computer and sees the 24 versions of that black and white image of myself inside a giant birdcage that I was going to use as an author photo.”

“Hey, let’s do something fun tonight!”
“Like what?”
“Oh, I dunno, how about I bring over some white wine, we can make a light dinner, maybe sit at the kitchen table and record/replay our witty banter on your iphone.”
“Yeah, it’s a good night for co-selfing.”

“I think I’m going to watch this video of myself as I’m posting it to my blog and then I think I’m going to talk about doing it as I’m doing it. Nobody selfs like I do. Nobody. I hope everybody sees this.”

And with that I give you…

SMOKEY MOUTH (directed and edited by Nick Sumida)

“Oh! I’m sorry, I just selfed all over you. Here, let me help you clean that up.”

(Jessica Madison became a fan of Jessica Madison and suggests that you become a fan of Jessica Madison too.)