Likes and Dislikes

One beautiful evening, my sister and I are out in the backyard weeding the cucumbers. As we weave between the rows, she suddenly turns to me and says:

“Jessica, what don’t you like?”

Her English is a little shaky, so I take my time replying. “What do you mean? Like food…or…people..?”

“All.”

“Well, I don’t really like bugs, especially bees. I don’t like eating fat. I don’t like it when people are mean.” I answer, wondering where this line of questioning is coming from.

“Oh.” she answers, “I don’t like China.”

 

 

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Two Avocado Commercials


Commercial 1:

This one is what we call “about Skittles level” normal.

A human and a semi-anthropomorphic (arms, legs, no face) avocado sit side-by-side on the beach of a desert island. On the right lies the splintered remains of a raft. Perched on a palm tree above, a vulture watches intently.
Closeup on where the avocado’s face would be. Beads of avocado oil collect on his (her? maybe.) leathery skin.
We see the human from the avocado’s POV, staring out to sea. The image shimmers and becomes a mirage, the human transformed into a hotdog.
Closeup on the human’s (fine, assholes, the 20ish white male’s) face. Beads of sweat collect and drip down his brow. His bloodshot eyes slide over to look in the avocado’s direction.
From the man’s POV, we see the avocado, also staring out to sea. Again a mirage replaces the image of the whole avocado, and we see the fruit sliced open, and salted, revealing its light green flesh and smooth pit.
Voice over: “Avocado: your friend ’til the very end.”

Commercial 2:

Maybe more “Nutrigrain Level” here. Better.

An avocado shines alluringly against an ivory background. Herbal Essences. Soft New Age fluting. Slowly, the avocado opens to reveal a naked woman curled up inside. An invisible wind blows her hair back and she turns to face the camera.
Naked Woman, crooning: “Avocados. Like crawling back into the womb.”

(Maybe the woman is also pregnant? Too much?)