M22 T-shirt Designs: A Retrospective

Or: Please Don’t be Mad at Thanksgiving


“I’m planning on getting this sweet business tattooed on the nape of my neck the second I hit Stateside.”


“I don’t know if you’ve heard of this artist I like. He’s pretty out there. Pretty…avant-garde you might say. Yeah, you probably haven’t heard of him. Don’t worry about it. I said don’t worry about it.”


So this is obviously horrible, but it has a sense of humor about itself, and hey, right there’s a sun wearing sunglasses. God knows I can’t shit on iconography like that. And it was also so obviously made by a dude that somehow it’s charming. I don’t know. At least we’re not in Fiji, guys. Am I right? *wink*


This is actually fantastic. I can’t explain why, but trust, it is.


Hoooooo boy. This. This pretty much sums up everything that is dark and repulsive and evil hiding deep within the rotten hell-meat of the human heart. This makes me want to Early Terminate and never do anything nice for anyone ever again. And are those sailboats floating along the bottom? I don’t care! I don’t care what kind of sailboats or gers or high peaked mountains or weeping angels are sniffing around down there, because this is a hateful, cynical, bullshit piece of t-shirt. You should be ashamed of yourself. BOOOOOOOOOOO!


Sigh. I don’t know. I’m all pooped out after that last one. This is ugly.


I could get behind this one, if I knew where it was going on the t-shirt. And furthermore, who is teaching whom how to Dougie here, hm? These are the questions I want answered before I go any further.


Ok, so there’s a lot going on here. From where I’m standing, there’s that Dr. symbol, and a book with letters falling out of it, and some sort of flesh-crab standing on a Tugrik, and a child holding a great big pizza. Then there’s a dog slowly turning into a horse. Peace Corps! Did I win? MOTHERFUCKER I SAID DID I WIN?


I don’t understand this because I’M NOT FROM MICHIGAN YOU EXCLUSIONARY BASTARDS.



I can live with this.


Why. Why. Why is this happening? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS, PEOPLE. Can you imagine wearing this in public, in America? Like, out to dinner at an adult restaurant? On an adult date?
“Oh, this is just my Peace Corps Mongolia shirt.”
“…?”
“Mongolia.”
“…?”
“Yes, they require a college degree.”
“….?”
“Mongolia.”
“….?”
Because there is a goddamn P and a C covering each of her eyeballs! Jesus, you don’t understand a single thing about me.”
And there went your wife. Thanks, T-shirt.


This is fine.


This reminds me of the time I had to introduce myself in a speech on the first day of school in front of everyone and a television crew and therefore I don’t like it.

****

Anyway! Thanks for making me glad I didn’t submit a T-shirt design. Now no cranky bitches will be raggin’ on me from the sad and lonely safety of the internet. Goodnight, Mongolia! Goodnight, everyone.

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Time

to start teaching the Counterparts about the advent of Transcendentalism? As soon as the resident intellectual returns from his week long bender, I say yes! To hell with definite articles, am I right?

I SAID AM I RIGHT?!?

Found: The Last New York Notebook

TRANSCRIPT BY JESSICA MADISON
***
PAGE 1

The Family (with thanks to Orion):

-the Indio or Mojave desert
-BATTLE BETWEEN LIGHT AND DARK
-Ted “Bear Jokes” Papa
-Hi welcome to Cuzin’s!
-RIVAL CULTS (scientology building over the ol’ swimmin’ hole, fasting cult)
-“Reverend”–“YOU’RE BREAKING THE RULES!”
-“Aunt Granny”
-ragtag uniforms, sex parties
-two kids born into cult “Fizzle and Pappy”

***
PAGE 2

Scientism
-“But I’m a Scientist!”

***

PAGE 3

An essay (prompt by Paul):

Q:At the beginning of the 21st century, we look back upon the early days of modernism with a nostalgia for its industry, in that it stands as a symbol for something more innocent than the societal processes which have taken its place. In this essay, you are tasked to pair an early invention/system/convention of the 20th century with its contemporary correlate and explain their relevant similarities/differences.

A: TAFFY + FIZZIES = FAFFY + PIZZLES

***

PAGE 4

Meanwhile…

A Treehouse in Brooklyn!
(sponsored by PBS)

(Ed: here I attempt to draw the PBS logo from memory, and it looks like this:

Treehouse into the ecoparadise! PARK SLOPE/BERKELEY BIODOME (rest of U.S. on fire)
WE NEED PUPPETS! AND JOKES!

(Ed: then Nick draws Park Slope (coop) connected to Berkeley (compost) by a long arching hamster tube, underneath which are guns, fire, and skulls. I can’t reproduce it.)

***

PAGE 5

AUNT GRANNY: SEXUAL UBERMENSCH
-pantsuits
-aviators
-smoking a pipe
-advanced audio-visual room
-sometimes really into cooking
-george foreman grill

(Ed:

and

there it is.)

***

PAGE 6

Dad owns oxygen supply company
-oxygen tanks
-and nitrogen

***

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I don’t know if y’all heard about me…

…but today I was at long last invited by Ye Olde Peace Corps’s to join them in a twenty-seven month Mongolian Engagement.

This means that this blog is about to get Real Differn’t Real Soon.

Now begins the Last Days of America for me.

The Next Two Months:

LOBSTERFEST Y’ALL.

Definition: “Selfing”

Hi! Jessica Madison here to talk to you about “Selfing,” a hot new trend alert as identified by me, Jessica Madison.

Self·ing:
[self]
noun, selfed
1. The act of a person, animal, or thing that selfs.
2. The act of extensively modifying and/or contemplating a reproduction of one’s own image for allegedly artistic purposes.
3. The kinetic manifestation of tautological narcissism.

“Woosh! I can’t believe I selfed so hard last night. I hope nobody borrows my computer and sees the 24 versions of that black and white image of myself inside a giant birdcage that I was going to use as an author photo.”

“Hey, let’s do something fun tonight!”
“Like what?”
“Oh, I dunno, how about I bring over some white wine, we can make a light dinner, maybe sit at the kitchen table and record/replay our witty banter on your iphone.”
“Yeah, it’s a good night for co-selfing.”

“I think I’m going to watch this video of myself as I’m posting it to my blog and then I think I’m going to talk about doing it as I’m doing it. Nobody selfs like I do. Nobody. I hope everybody sees this.”

And with that I give you…

SMOKEY MOUTH (directed and edited by Nick Sumida)

“Oh! I’m sorry, I just selfed all over you. Here, let me help you clean that up.”

(Jessica Madison became a fan of Jessica Madison and suggests that you become a fan of Jessica Madison too.)