Dill

Hi. I’m Jessica Madison, and I’m here to talk to you about Dill.

Did you know that dill, when added, by an intoxicated person, (along with maggi sauce and halon chinju) can create a very desireable illusion of vegetable to your steamed white rice?

Dill. It’s what’s in your steamed white rice.

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Found: The Last New York Notebook

TRANSCRIPT BY JESSICA MADISON
***
PAGE 1

The Family (with thanks to Orion):

-the Indio or Mojave desert
-BATTLE BETWEEN LIGHT AND DARK
-Ted “Bear Jokes” Papa
-Hi welcome to Cuzin’s!
-RIVAL CULTS (scientology building over the ol’ swimmin’ hole, fasting cult)
-“Reverend”–“YOU’RE BREAKING THE RULES!”
-“Aunt Granny”
-ragtag uniforms, sex parties
-two kids born into cult “Fizzle and Pappy”

***
PAGE 2

Scientism
-“But I’m a Scientist!”

***

PAGE 3

An essay (prompt by Paul):

Q:At the beginning of the 21st century, we look back upon the early days of modernism with a nostalgia for its industry, in that it stands as a symbol for something more innocent than the societal processes which have taken its place. In this essay, you are tasked to pair an early invention/system/convention of the 20th century with its contemporary correlate and explain their relevant similarities/differences.

A: TAFFY + FIZZIES = FAFFY + PIZZLES

***

PAGE 4

Meanwhile…

A Treehouse in Brooklyn!
(sponsored by PBS)

(Ed: here I attempt to draw the PBS logo from memory, and it looks like this:

Treehouse into the ecoparadise! PARK SLOPE/BERKELEY BIODOME (rest of U.S. on fire)
WE NEED PUPPETS! AND JOKES!

(Ed: then Nick draws Park Slope (coop) connected to Berkeley (compost) by a long arching hamster tube, underneath which are guns, fire, and skulls. I can’t reproduce it.)

***

PAGE 5

AUNT GRANNY: SEXUAL UBERMENSCH
-pantsuits
-aviators
-smoking a pipe
-advanced audio-visual room
-sometimes really into cooking
-george foreman grill

(Ed:

and

there it is.)

***

PAGE 6

Dad owns oxygen supply company
-oxygen tanks
-and nitrogen

***

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Fuck it: The Literalist Poems

Because there’s no way I’m going to bother to do anything with these before I leave.

The Literalist Poems
written by me: Jessica Madison

1)Manifesto:
A Manifesto is something you put at the beginning so you can tell everyone.

2)Halloween:
Halloween was such a long time ago, and yet, not that long ago.

3)The Sun:.
The sun will not die for at least a while.

4)I’m so sorry:
I’m really sorry.

5)Him:
At least we’re better than He is.

6)Halloween 2:
Halloween was about five months ago, both a long and a short time.

7)Are:
You guys Presbyterian?

8)Chicken Soup:
When there’s chicken in that soup, it’s chicken soup.

9)The Rain:
I hate that rain.

10)Note to Jessica:
This is a note to say that I went to the coffee shop.

11)The Note:
It’s nice to get a note.

12)I’m trying to move this person:
Excuse me. Could you move?

14)All Natural:
That means it actually happened.

15)Chicken Soup 2:
There’s chicken in that soup.

16)Man Hats:
I’d say we’ve seen five so far.

17)Dear God:
I agree with everything you’ve been saying.

18)Actually:
Means it actually happened.

19)Abstracts:
Except for…

20)Blood:
That’s blood!

For more information regarding The Literalist Movement, contact your local blogging chapter.

Dear You

I just want you to know that I agree with everything you’ve been saying.

Click that image to view and/or purchase the 2011 Men on a Mission calendar from Mormons Exposed featuring “12 hunky returned Mormon Missionaries.” Because you know who’s going to have all the beef jerky and bottled water after Quetzacoatl returns in 2012.