FRUIT JUICE! MOTHERFUCKER!

Today I rebegin the process of actually writing in this blog, one of my second-year-new-me aspirations. Among others:

-bathing slightly more regularly
-cleaning the catbox more regularly
-drinking Borgio less regularly
-firmly drawing the line at 5 English clubs
-wearing heels to work, even in the muddymuds
-not writing any more mean stuff on this blog

Also today: I saw someone, while dressed to the Mongolian nines, floss her teeth with her hair.

A brief tour of some Mongolian music videos

To begin, I should point out that Mongolians exhibit a great amount of love and respect for their mothers. Eej births you, Eej makes your boiled tea, Baby Camel cries golden tears for Camel Eej who never comes home. As a result, in any time of great agitation, where an English speaker might cry for “my God,” a Mongolian will call for “Eeje”.
Like for example when you’re one of three women dressed in baby costumes, hanging out in a shack, gyrating on a bound and blindfolded man.
“Eeje!!!”

Not only is this video great because it is about Naadam, the most fun and least socially stressful of all Mongolian holidays, but because of the G.D. costumes. Check out them furs! This only serves to strengthen my intentions of buying multiple sets of dog hair shorts and shoulder pads to sport upon my return to the US. I don’t know about those zebra stripes though. Step it up, Nara.

For balance, a song about the most socially stressful Mongolian holiday.

Let’s use this video to meditate on the particular hotness possessed by Mongolian men. Mean eyebrows! Pointy snarly teeth! Futuristic silvery Chinggis Khan vest! Ignore the fur coat parts, and Amraa. Shoo, Amraa! Take your mismatched lipstick and dye job right up on out of here.

This video is close to my heart because it is the song my duu (younger sibling) Temujin would listen to when he pooped. No Anemone, no pooping.

Anemone, for the curious, is the end result of the Mongolian “Making the Band.” This one’s about your Mom’s birthday.

This song’s called “Hello, Mom.” Youtube comments include: “nice song” and “really nice song.”

And to be fair, this one’s for Pops. Less production value, more likely to be seen on the UB bus. Just like your Dad.

And that concludes this session of Mongolian Music videos.

Wherever you go, there you are.

Today, after escorting a 68 year old woman (who happened upon us at the Tansig Hotel during Monglish club and who I am still pretty concerned about–how did she get out here? What is she doing? Where did she get that Lonely Planet Guide from 2008 and why is she following it? More on her later.) to a room we found for her at the government building, and after having a few beers with the girls from the Tourism Office, and after being accosted by a couple of drunk countryside men, and after buying a loaf of bread I finally managed to wrench myself free n’ homewards.
What do I hear as I pass Star Nightclub, as I skirt around the wet tar laid down by the Chinese construction workers who are repaving Temuulel road for the 3rd time since I’ve been here, but THIS:

Now mind you, the last time I was involuntarily alerted to this song I was hightailing it down Spring street, crossing Wooster on my way to work a Champagne and Oyster event at the fancy damn chocolate shop where I worked, (Also I may have been wearing THE SAME DRESS I AM NOW (that would be the black long-sleever with the pockets and the bleach stain in the back that I bought at Chico’s with my mom but don’t tell anyone) ) when suddenly a different breed of construction worker poked his head out of the loading dock he was constructing in and shouted “DAMN BABY THAT’S MY JAM.”
So there’s that.
It may also interest you to know that in Mongolia, as well as New York, drunk people do the same earnestly purposeful “IMA GOIN’ HOME” walk. It sure interests me.

Definition: “Selfing”

Hi! Jessica Madison here to talk to you about “Selfing,” a hot new trend alert as identified by me, Jessica Madison.

Self·ing:
[self]
noun, selfed
1. The act of a person, animal, or thing that selfs.
2. The act of extensively modifying and/or contemplating a reproduction of one’s own image for allegedly artistic purposes.
3. The kinetic manifestation of tautological narcissism.

“Woosh! I can’t believe I selfed so hard last night. I hope nobody borrows my computer and sees the 24 versions of that black and white image of myself inside a giant birdcage that I was going to use as an author photo.”

“Hey, let’s do something fun tonight!”
“Like what?”
“Oh, I dunno, how about I bring over some white wine, we can make a light dinner, maybe sit at the kitchen table and record/replay our witty banter on your iphone.”
“Yeah, it’s a good night for co-selfing.”

“I think I’m going to watch this video of myself as I’m posting it to my blog and then I think I’m going to talk about doing it as I’m doing it. Nobody selfs like I do. Nobody. I hope everybody sees this.”

And with that I give you…

SMOKEY MOUTH (directed and edited by Nick Sumida)

“Oh! I’m sorry, I just selfed all over you. Here, let me help you clean that up.”

(Jessica Madison became a fan of Jessica Madison and suggests that you become a fan of Jessica Madison too.)