I hate to be That Guy, but…

…goddamn you Affordable Care Act/Covered California/Everybody! So:

1) The AfterCorps health plan for returned Peace Corps Volunteers is shut down because it “doesn’t meet minimum requirements.” Which, fine, that thing was ridiculous and kind of not even really health insurance.

2) I apply for Medical because that “readjustment allowance” was embarrassingly small and Peace Corps wasn’t exactly the career-booster it was sold as.

3) Denied because it “can’t be confirmed you don’t have health insurance through your employer,” an employer who:
a)I stopped working for 8 months ago.
b)shut down their health plan because you, The Government, TOLD THEM THEY HAD TO.
c)is also definitely part of you, The Government.
d)is like, right across the street. Just go ask them!

4) I get my little fuck-you appeal form, so I go to appeal on the website, as if it were 2014.

5) The website isn’t working, in fact the little thinking wheel is still spinning two hours later.

6) And now here I am, mailing in my appeal, scrawling my explanations all up and down the margins of the form LIKE A CRAZY PERSON.

7) However, unlike a crazy person who sends goddamn LETTERS TO THE U.S. GOVERNMENT I have serious doubt that it’s ever going to be read. So we’ll see. Hopefully I don’t get hit by a bus in the next few months.

So THANKS A LOT NOBAMA NANNY-STATE TWITTER NAG for taking two years of my youth and rewarding me with a certificate I don’t think you actually signed.

O THX.

O THX.

I think I’m just going to go buy a bunch of canned cat food and dig myself a hole out in the desert. DON’T TREAD ON ME.

Advertisements

Found: The Last New York Notebook

TRANSCRIPT BY JESSICA MADISON
***
PAGE 1

The Family (with thanks to Orion):

-the Indio or Mojave desert
-BATTLE BETWEEN LIGHT AND DARK
-Ted “Bear Jokes” Papa
-Hi welcome to Cuzin’s!
-RIVAL CULTS (scientology building over the ol’ swimmin’ hole, fasting cult)
-“Reverend”–“YOU’RE BREAKING THE RULES!”
-“Aunt Granny”
-ragtag uniforms, sex parties
-two kids born into cult “Fizzle and Pappy”

***
PAGE 2

Scientism
-“But I’m a Scientist!”

***

PAGE 3

An essay (prompt by Paul):

Q:At the beginning of the 21st century, we look back upon the early days of modernism with a nostalgia for its industry, in that it stands as a symbol for something more innocent than the societal processes which have taken its place. In this essay, you are tasked to pair an early invention/system/convention of the 20th century with its contemporary correlate and explain their relevant similarities/differences.

A: TAFFY + FIZZIES = FAFFY + PIZZLES

***

PAGE 4

Meanwhile…

A Treehouse in Brooklyn!
(sponsored by PBS)

(Ed: here I attempt to draw the PBS logo from memory, and it looks like this:

Treehouse into the ecoparadise! PARK SLOPE/BERKELEY BIODOME (rest of U.S. on fire)
WE NEED PUPPETS! AND JOKES!

(Ed: then Nick draws Park Slope (coop) connected to Berkeley (compost) by a long arching hamster tube, underneath which are guns, fire, and skulls. I can’t reproduce it.)

***

PAGE 5

AUNT GRANNY: SEXUAL UBERMENSCH
-pantsuits
-aviators
-smoking a pipe
-advanced audio-visual room
-sometimes really into cooking
-george foreman grill

(Ed:

and

there it is.)

***

PAGE 6

Dad owns oxygen supply company
-oxygen tanks
-and nitrogen

***

create an avatar
Create an avatar

Dear You

I just want you to know that I agree with everything you’ve been saying.

Click that image to view and/or purchase the 2011 Men on a Mission calendar from Mormons Exposed featuring “12 hunky returned Mormon Missionaries.” Because you know who’s going to have all the beef jerky and bottled water after Quetzacoatl returns in 2012.